Long John

I have too many hobbies. Obviously, I write and draw comics, and I’ve been doing that long enough now that is less of a hobby and is instead a mild career. In the creative space, I also write argumentative and reflective prose (i.e., essays & articles, like these blog posts) and fiction, and I write and play music. Each has its own purpose in my life, ticking a specific box that makes me feel fulfilled.

I have never drawn for catharsis. I’ve never drawn to get out an emotion or a feeling or to deal with something specific. Basically since I started drawing, it was always in the interest of storytelling––creating characters, imagining scenarios, plotting adventures, etc. When talking to artist friends, I often feel a little sheepish because many of them have a strong emotional connection to the art they make and I…just don’t. Not in that way, at least. Of course, when I complete a book (hell, even a page) I feel pride for getting it done, for having pulled it off, but it has never been a tool for processing emotions.

That being said, I got into a good pace during the thumbnailing stage of writing this book (I feel most of the writing happens in the thumbnails, which is why I always try to share the thumbs for each page) once the plot came together. Working through this Paoha Island scene––from the walk through the caverns to meeting Hellrider John to coming upon Hellrider Jackie’s body––came together really quickly and confidently that this entire stretch became my favorite sequence in the book. I really liked the composition of Long John walking her body out into the water and laying her in the hypersaline waters of Mono Lake and I knew exactly how she would exit from the book––slowly descending beneath the surface as the water enveloped her like a blanket.

The thumbnail was really easy to draw, too. I drew the first panel and––since it was digital––I copied it three more times which allowed me to practice the slow creep of the water around her until, finally, she was gone. When I drew the last panel of the thumbnail, I sat back and looked at it and was overcome with emotion. I’m not sure which––sadness? pride? loss? emptiness?––I just know I was feeling something profound.

In hindsight, I think it was nostalgia and loss that hit me. As mentioned before, this character has been a part of my sketchbooks and creative works since the late ’90s. I worked the character into everything I could because I loved the design and the tragic story the design implied. Though the story of Long John isn’t yet done (though it will be very soon––the final page will drop on Friday, March 20), this marked the end of the Hellrider’s story, and a genuine chapter of my life closed with the realization of this page.

I sat in those feelings for a bit, letting it put a feint cloud over the rest of my day because Hellrider Jackie earned the time for mourning from me. Personally, she is probably the most important character from Long John (though I love all the characters…except for Rich Jack; he sucks) and laying her to rest here carries many interpretations.

So, one last time, here on this website, I raise a glass to the Hellrider––Hellrider Jack as the character first manifested, the apparition of Hellrider John, but ultimately and fully for Hellrider Jackie. I kind of owe here everything since that character (in different forms) have been with me in every step of my creative journey since I was seventeen years old.

Rest in peace. I will miss you.